Broken Lullaby
by Ma'ane'i No Ke Aloha
Summary: A tragedy in the Scott family.
1. Prologue

_This takes place in the time frame of the 5th season but nothing of it happened. No Carrie, no Lindsey, Nathan never had his accident and Karen still lives in Tree Hill._

**Prologue**

It happened on a sunday. He came home that afternoon and before he had even walked through the door, he knew something had changed. Like he could sense it in the air. He paused in the doorway, not sure if he wanted to know, it had been such a beautiful day, the flight from Chicago where he had gone to see his brother had been completely uneventful and he couldn't wait to see his family. And then he heard it. Voices in the living room, cries. And then he saw it. His wife sobing, Karen looking woriedly at her, his mother pacing. And he knew.

When she saw him, she ran into his arms sobbing even harder.

He knew, but he wanted someone to tell him that it wasn't true.

Police officers seemed to be everywhere.

Finally, Haley turned her head up and looked into his eyes.

But he already knew.

"Jamie..."


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Their little boy was missing. It was the only thing they could think about.

Both knew that the first few hours were crucial. It had already been three hours.

The police had asked them if they knew of anyone who could have taken Jamie. Dan was the only person they knew who could do something so horrible but he was still in prison, so they had no lead. Finally Nathan couldn't stay in the house any longer, he had to do something, he had to go look for his son. Andy went with him, while Deb and Karen stayed with Haley. The two older women tried to comfort Haley, but the young mother was devastated. How could something like this happen? Jamie wouldn't leave on his own.

"He must be so scared." Haley whispered.

"They'll find him." Deb wanted to believe they would. Karen agreed, but deep inside of her doubt was beginning to appear. What if..

Hours passed. Night had come. And still nothing.

When Nathan came home he managed to convince Haley to lie down for a while, though she argued she wouldn't be able to sleep, but she afraid after he told her that the police were going to keep searching. They both spent an unsurprisingly sleepless night and were up with the sun.

The search went on for a few days. On Friday, an officer came to see Haley and Nathan.

"Mr and Mrs Scott, I'm sorry but I need you to take a look at something. Do you recognise this?" The officer asked. Haley gasped.

"It's... it's Jamie's cape." Nathan managed to say. The cape was torned and muddy. "Where did you find it?"

"We found it in the river."

"Oh god." Haley was now crying.

"Mr Scott, I need to ask. Does your son know how to swim?"

Nathan shook his head, unable to speak.

"No!" Haley cried. "He didn't drown! My son's not dead!"

"I'm really sorry. We'll keep on searching but when a child goes missing for over 24 hours there isn't much chance of finding him. And the cape..."

"No! You have to find him. Please."

--

After a few weeks, the police stopped looking for Jamie Scott.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A few weeks later Haley discovered she was pregnant again, she couldn't deal with that, she couldn't have another child when her baby was somewhere and needed her. Everyone thought he was dead, but she still believed that she would find him someday.

Nathan didn't know what to do. He still missed Jamie, but he knew he had to live with his pain even if it seemed unbearable. He had to, for Haley's sake. He knew she wasn't coping well. Actually she wasn't coping at all. Twice a week she cleaned their son's room, even though it was spotless since nobody was using it and when Chester had died because he wasn't given any food since it was Jamie's task, she bought a new one, so the little boy wouldn't be too sad when he came back. "Maybe it will it will make it easier for him to get over Chester's death", that's was she had said. So when, she told one night that she was pregnant, he hoped, even though that baby would never replace Jamie, that it would help them grieve, help her grieve.

But the next morning, when he went to their little boy's room all he could see was the empty cage. Later that day he asked her about it.

"Jamie loved Chester, he won't want a replacement," was all she said.

That scared Nathan. What would happen to this baby? Would Haley still love him? She didn't want another child, she wanted would she do?

Would she try to get rid of the baby?


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Not knowing what to do, Nathan called Lucas. After all he was Haley's best friend, he might be able to help her and even though it hurt Nathan not to be able to help his wife, he knew he had to do something.

When Lucas arrived, he found Haley sitting on the couch in the living room staring at the wall. He tried to get her to take a walk with him, but she wouldn't move so he just sat down next to her.

"I don't know what to say or even if there is anything to say, but know that whenever you need me I will always be here for you.  
I can't begin to imagine what you feel and I won't say that I know." Haley closed her eyes and a teardrop fell on her lap.

"My heart is not broken, Lucas, it just died. I can't live like that. I can't live knowing that my baby might be scared or in pain. I can't live knowing that he might be..." She couldn't say it.

"I can't have this baby Lucas, I don't want to replace Jamie." It felt like a betrayal.

"Hales, having this baby doesn't mean you'll replace Jamie or forget. No one is ever going to forget him. Right now you probably feel like nothing will ever be good again, and you'llalways miss him, as will we, but you have to go on with your life because it's the only thing you can do."

"I don't know if I can."


	5. Chapter 4

_I'm sorry it took me so long to finish this chapter. I'm not really happy with it, but it'll have to do. I hope I'll be able to finish the next one faster._

* * *

Chapter 4

Another week passed. Haley stopped cleaning Jamie's room. Instead, she spent her days looking at her son's baby pictures, the ones from his first day of school, from his last birthday. Nathan had stopped trying to reach her. He knew he had to do something though so one afternoon, he called Lucas who agreed to come to try and talk to Haley.

"Hey Luke." Nathan greeted his brother.

"How are you holding up, man?"

"Still the same, I'm really worried about Haley."

"I'll try talking to her, but I don't think there's anything I could say to help her."

"Thanks anyway. She's in the living room."

Lucas went to see his sister-in-law and found her sitting on the couch staring at a pictures of Jamie playing with Chester, a big smile on his face and his eyes shining with happiness.

"I don't know what to say or even if there is anything to say, but know that whenever you need me I will always be here for you. I can't begin to imagine what you feel and I won't say that I know. I don't think anything I say could help you, I don't have the words to alleviate your pain, I can only offer you my presence to help you grieve.I wish I had acure to heal your broken heart." Lucas put his hand on her shoulder trying to look into her eyes, but she wasn't looking at him, she wasn't looking at anything really.

"My heart is not broken, Lucas, it just died. I can't live like that. I can't live knowing that my baby might be scared or in pain. I can't live knowing that he might be...I'm not ready to accept that this might be a reality. Sometimes at night, I hear him say my name, and when I close my eyes, I can almost see his smile." Her voice broke then, but she still didn't cry. She hadn't cry since the day she lost him.

Haley stood up and turned around to leave, bumping into Nathan on her way. He reached for her and took her elbow.

"Haley, please..."

"How can you all just carry on, how can you just move on."

"I don't want to move on, but we have to. You know, Haley you're not the only one who misses him. He was my son too! I feel so lost without him, I don't even have the words to express the length of my pain. If there were anythingI could do to bring Jamie back, I would, but he's gone, he's not coming back, he's go..."

"Don't!" She interrupted him. "Don't you dare say that! Jamie's not dea... He's not gone, he's lost, but he will be back." And with that she ran away.

"Haley!!" But she didn't look back.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haley went to Jamie's room and curled up on his bed.

"You are not alone Jamie, even if you think that you are, momma's here, she's waiting for you. Please come back Jamie."


	6. Chapter 6

_Thank you for the reviews. Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Hales, you need to eat." She didn't even look at him.

"You have to stop doing this," Nathan tried again, "it's not good for..." he hesitated and then decided that maybe she needed a little reality check. "It's not good for the baby."

"I don't care!" she replied starting to leave the room, but Nathan grabbed her arm before she coud go.  
"Yes you do. Two wrongs don't make a right. Losing this baby won't bring Jamie back."

"How dare you say that," Haley cried. "You weren't even there!"

For a few seconds, Nathan forgot how to breathe. She was blaming him and she was right, he should have been there. He let go of her arm and left.

* * *

That night, Haley awoke with a start. She had dreamt of Jamie again. But it was different this time. Usually she saw he crying for help, or trying to run towards but never reaching her. Tonight though, he had been right beside her and with her big blue eyes staring at her, he had told her that hiw was okay, that she shouldn't be sad, "I don't like it when you cry Momma". And now there she was sitting in her bed in the middle of the night, silent tears running down her cheeks, and she realised that surprisingly for the first time it didn't hurt so much. For the first time in weeks, since Jamie had gone missing, she could think of her son without her heart breaking.

Nathan was watching her but didn't make a move.

Haley stood up and went to pick up the picture of her son that sat on the her finger she softly touched her son's grinning face and a small smile graced her own features. Nathan got up and went to stand behind his wife. Slowly he embraced her and for the first time in what seemed like forever she let him. And together they cried.

* * *

"I never got to say goodbye. I didn't tell him how much I loved," Haley buried her face in her husband's shoulder.

"He knew... He knew..."

* * *

"It wasn't your fault, I shouldn't have said that, it wasn't fair," she whispered.

"It wasn't yours either." She looked at him confused.

He looked into her eyes. "I know you blame yourself, you think you could have done something." She nodded.

"You couldn't have prevented what happened, neither of us could. We need to stop blaming ourselves. It's the only way, be'll be able to..." he hesitated.

"Move on."


End file.
